Day 1: It all starts with God

Now I remember why I didn’t read this book – just opening to the first chapter and reading the title “It all starts with God”. My fears, doubts and skepticism of religious preaching wasn’t what I was after. I am a Type-A person. I set goals, make plans and methodically work the plan. "Plan the work and work the plan". I like things organized and structured. "There's a place for everything and everything has its’ place". I like to solve problems. I break down big issues into smaller manageable chunks and set forth a plan to solve them. “There are no big problems, there are just a lot of little problems”. It always seemed to me that it was this goal-setting, planning, organizing, problem-solving that helped you find happiness in life.

But I also have a deeper more reflective and soulful side that cares deeply about helping others and knows there must be more to life then moving through the paces day in and day out. I’m going through a very tough time right now. My plans and goals have been shattered and I have a lot of time on my hands to figure out how to get back on track. I’ve done a lot of reading and sharing my pain with others and everything I seem to read and hear relays the same message… I am not in control. God has plans for me and I have to follow his plan. Difficult to swallow when you are not a religious person. I’m not sure why I’m not. I’ve tried, or at least I think I have. But recently, the more I listened to others and the more I read, the more I got over my anxiety about religion and “God’s word”. Maybe that’s allowed me to open this book finally and at least try. I’m committing 40 days to this. Why not? I’ve spent the past 46 years avoiding/resisting religion, God, Christianity… surely I can spend 40 days trying to break down the walls.

Therefore, with an open mind, I read Chapter One. I love the simplicity of the first line “It’s not about you”. The author believes that God created us for his purpose. We’re here to understand and fulfill his purpose, not ours. Precisely the message I keep hearing lately, just in a different way. This tells me that I need to quit fighting so hard to achieve and follow my plans and follow God’s purpose. I really, really, really want to believe this. I am trying to be patient. I am trying to wait. I am trying to listen carefully and see the signs as to what this might be. I want to believe that is why God put me in this predicament right now. Not to punish me but to slow me down and make me go through this process. I want to believe that it is his work that introduced me to Yoga. To learn to be more aware of my body, my mind and my environment. I want to believe that all of this is God’s work and that he will guide my way. I want to believe this but again… as a Type-A control freak, I don’t do well waiting, wandering aimlessly without a plan or a target. This is WAY out of my comfort zone.

The author presents three insights from the bible verse quoted on page 20:
1. “You discover your identity and purpose through a relationship with Jesus Christ.”
Why does this make me cringe? What is my problem with saying that I want to build a relationship with Jesus Christ? Isn’t that what I’m asking for when I pray at night? Why does it seem so embarrassing and taboo to say out loud? Warren says “If you don’t have such a relationship, I will later explain how to begin one.” I will patiently wait with an open mind.

2. “God was thinking of you long before you ever thought about him. His purpose for your life predates your conception.” I want to believe this so badly but my logical side says this couldn’t be possible.

3. “The purpose of your life fits into a much larger, cosmic purpose that God has designed for eternity.” This is even more abstract but I’m trying to have an open mind. In fact, it’s exciting to think about how my lowly life fits into something larger and more connected. Right now though… I just want to know what that purpose is so I can move forward. Work towards something. Feel a sense of accomplishment.

Well, it’s one chapter, one day. Therefore, I can only “Type A” my way through one day at a time right now and so here is my plan:

1. I’ve started this blog as a way to force myself to reflect on my journey. It will help me to stick with my commitment without quitting. I also hope that others might find this and learn and share with me.
2. Through my yoga practice I’m learning more about meditation but like my spirituality, I tend to resist this too. Don’t like giving up control. So… I plan to start meditating each day of my 40 day journey. I will incorporate the “Point to Ponder” (this day it is “It’s not about me.”) into my meditation.
3. I am going to attend church on Sunday. I found a local church that I am interested in but have been afraid to go. I’m going to get up the courage to go this Sunday!